Keepin' It Real

Hello Lovelies. So here's the thing. I've been really struggling this week and even debating what or even how to share with you here, since my life has been pretty messy the last week month.  We are having some very serious family events happening that are kind of turning my world upside down, which have been consuming my thoughts, phone calls even my dreams. And it leads me to this dilemma. How do I share enough to be real with you (but not too much that I cross boundaries). But also not put on a completely false self either leaving you only with pretty pictures while my true heart is crying on the inside? 

This is a question I have struggled with for many years even back before I started my own blog and was a reader only. I became so frustrated with the picture of perfection that it seemed like so many blogs painted. I wanted to know their real stories. I wanted to see them a mess so that I didn't feel like I was all alone and that my heros were living golden lives only filled with beauty and success. Have you ever felt that way? 

However, it seems as though the tides in blogging are changing a bit and I find that there are more people sharing their messy day to day trials. I think its especially hard when you grow up in the Southern US where the standard " How are you?" Is met with the expected "Good, How are you?" I don't know of one time that I felt safe enough to actually answer that question honestly. Have you? And are you able to share your true self on your blog?

But the great thing about a new day is that we have an opportunity to change... a choice to let our true selves shine. So I ask you... How ARE you today (really)?

images: tiny white daisies, tearrific tumblr

Comments

[Jennifer]

Heather,
Sorry you are having a hard time :( . I understand the blog/real life stuff. It is a very hard balance. I am truly "fine" today though!!
I hope things get easier for you.
BIG hug
Jennifer

[Katie Steele]

Well said, friend. Too, I am troubled with the type of greeting/exchange you described as it tends to make me feel 1) like I'm always a wreck 2) like I'm not as good as others at "handling" my life 3) I will be judged by my answer or 4) just a little bit lonely.

I applaud this honest post. I extend sympathy that life has handed you some unexpected difficulties, and I wish I could squeeze your hand and offer to sit with you and *really listen*.

[jennifer]

I hope everything works out! Great post - love that you are keeping it real!

[Heather]

Oh Katie, Thank you for these sweet words of encouragement. You know I cant think of anything more that I would enjoy today than to sit down over a cup of coffee or tea and talk with you. I would love to hear more about what is going on in your life these days! Thank you!!

[Krista]

I'm so very sorry you're hurting right now, Heather. I love that you shared this with us. I love the beauty you share each day - it helps me with my own dark times. I escaped from a the brainwashing and abuse of a religious cult about 11 years ago. Since then I've been trying to right myself, forgive, learn to love without fear, figure out how to live a beautiful life when there's so much pain and darkness in my past. I'm getting there. Bit by bit. :-) Sending you a big hug today.

[Monica]

I think that knowing that you are a "real" person helps others feel like things are ok. Sharing seems very cathartic to me as well as to others.

As of today I am good and taking life as it comes. Big hugs to you and I know things will get better.

[[email protected]]

How am I today, really? Crappy, actually!!! Exhausted, overcommitted, relationally underfed, anxiety-ridden, misunderstood. Shall I go on? No, I think you get my drift. You are not alone, we all go through these periods, much more than most of us can or will admit. Thanks for your honesty. Unfortunately, I am quick to say "I'm great!" "Everything's great!" with a big fake smile plastered across my face. Thanks for allowing me to say the truth: "Crappy today, how about you?!!"

[Stephanie Ryan]

Oh Heather...Life can be hard. Some days it can be unbearable and others not so bad. I try my best to be honest and authentic on my blog but also try to not have it always be so depressing which it could easily get. My struggles are a part of who I am so how can I not talk about them. Your case may be different though if it involves other people. That is harder because you have to be respectful of others privacy. In the end you need to do what is the healthiest most healing thing.Either way, love and healing energy to you. Hugs.

[Heather]

Krista,
Thank you so much for sharing a bit of your story with me here!! Wow! Im so sorry you went through that but I am proud of you that you were able to get out of an abusive situation. I too had to get out of an abusive situation in my family when I was a teenager and with therapy, prayer and many people around me who love and support me I have healed. But you are right there is healing in beauty and learning to love again in the process. Hugs to you too!

[Heather]

Oh Kristie! I am soooo sorry! Thank you for breaking the silence and sharing your true self here... You are amongst friends. Im sorry you feel pressure to be ok most of the time. I have that tendency too. Being an older sister I think makes me feel like I should have it all together so I can be there for others (more in need). Honestly, I have been feeling exactly the way you have this week. Thanks for letting your hair down here.

[Krista]

Dear Heather, just wanted you to know you inspired me to take a deep breath and be real on my own blog this morning. Thank you. :-)

[Zimmerkuechekabinett.wordpress.com]

Dear Heather, I am sorry to hear that you are not well ... I am pretty stressed out myself by trying to fit everything in my life right now. But things will get better for you too, I am sure about that! :-)

[clarice]

Heather, what a sweet post (although you are probably not trying to write a sweet post). Oh the fine art of being real, it is not an easy thing to do. I admit I tend to share only my happy side not because I am afraid to show my negative but more that I just try to focus on my blessings, not my struggles. How am I doing? I am dragging a bit. I would love to have a big glass of red wine, a chunk of chocolate and go to bed early. How are you today? xoxo

[rain]

i am sad to hear of your heart-cries...
(new to your space, but love it already. here from Krista's...)

sometimes truth isn't pretty. :-(
this crossroads (truth vs. share-too-much) can be wrenching...i hope you have clarity to see.

i think, however, you've accomplished this with grace: you speak truth and you honor others through doing so.

love to you.

[Betty Jo]

I'm actually still sick with a cold, but feeling a bit better today. Thanks for asking! I'm sorry for whatever you're going through, but just hold on to the thought that "this too shall pass". After losing my husband two years ago I thought I'd never blog again, photo again, anything again . . . but now I'm able to blog and create beauty with my camera. I still grieve, and probably always will, but I can also in the midst of it see and share beauty. And I need that. Is all perfect with me? Never. My life is more messy than not, and for the most part I'm able to be real about it, without going beyond the boundaries of what my readers want to hear. I love blogs where the owner is honest, but when problems seem to be the main theme, I simply move on.

[Down and Out Chic]

i've had similar struggles with knowing how much to share on my blog so i tend to lean towards not sharing very much personal info; however, when i have opened up, i've always received a good response and felt supported and even loved.
i think sometimes we have to take that step in vulnerability for the sake of remaining true to ourselves and i bet you'll be surprised at how many people will be there with open arms (even if they're cyberspace arms and can't be seen).

[Penny Patten]

How am I really? Tired today, I did a craft fair today. Went okay even though I didn't sell a lot. I'm so busy with work, (I have three job's) that I really don't have the time I'd like to create. On a positive note I have more money. This week I plan on giving up one job, the one I work the least at. I love that Fall is here, but sad Winter is next. I feel myself already cooking more and wanting to spend more time at home. I could go on and on, but it's always good to share bit's of our live's whether good or bad, happy or sad. Our Blogs are for sharing, and I don't think any of our live's are with out event's. Thank's for asking!

[Kat]

Heather,
Bless you and I hope that things can be worked through in time regarding your family. I do think it's a tricky situation when your worries involve others. It is best to keep things private and maybe email certain blog friends about what's really going on.
It's funny as I was just thinking the same thing recently about crying inside while posting some bits of beauty at my blog. My ill health being long standing means I am most often poorly so it would become very easy to constantly share how I'm feeling at my blog. But i think readers soon tire if giving sympathy every time you mention hard times! At the same time I have to be realistic and strike a balance where I can so I do mention my overall situation from time to time and have recieved alot of kindness and compassion from doing so.
I think there's a part of me that feels the need to be entirely open at my blog and a part that recognises that's not always for the best nor would it actually make what I'm going through any easier.
My blog cannot substitute my real life friends and family.
There's a place for each it's just remembering that while you're writing I guess!
Love amd blessings
Kathryn