The Gift of Failure

Last Friday night while sitting at a Mediterranean restaurant listening to my husband play Latin Jazz, I picked up a local magazine for women and paged quickly through what seemed to be "another Holiday gift guide" when I came across this insightful article by Margie Maddux Newman. In it, Newman suggests what my counselor advised me years ago, our mistakes can help guide us.

She quotes San Francisco Chronicle columnist Jon Carroll as saying “Failure is how we learn. I have been told of an African phrase describing a good cook as ‘she who has broken many pots.’ If you’ve spent enough time in the kitchen to have broken a lot of pots, probably you know a fair amount about cooking. I once had a late dinner with a group of chefs, and they spent time comparing knife wounds and burn scars. They knew how much credibility their failures gave them.” 

Not only do our mistakes give us credibility but Newman implies that they have power (when we own them.) Our failures are our own. They go with us as reminders of where we've been and where we could be. However, it is how we view them that can make or break us.  

Don't even get me started on my kitchen fiascos. From trying to microwave a whole egg in a glass measuring cup and soon learning a new lesson in physics as exploding egg pieces decorated my kitchen crevices, to broiling a pan with parchment paper a bit to close to the element, I am quickly gaining a fair share of battle scars. 

Then there was the year (not too long ago) I received let's say roughly five speeding tickets. Several fines, a couple of driver's educational courses and nearly having my license revoked has me driving much safer and wiser. 

But what about the failings that aren't fodder for a comedy routine? Like a business plan gone wrong? Money invested poorly or living beyond our means? (All of which I have had to live and learn) After the initial stages of grief, I came to a place of acceptance. A place of looking back and looking forward at once. Remembering and revising. Giving myself the grace to know my mistakes and use them for good. So how about you?

Are your mishaps friend or foe?  How can you give yourself the gift of grace in the sight of failure especially now?

And as Newman reminds us :

  " The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything." William Connor Magee 

image: Kris Chau

Comments

[kristie@thedecorologist]

This concept is so difficult for me to wrap my head around! I was taught that failure is/was ultimate, that it haunts you forever. That when you screw up, you're done, you're over. Perfectionism has, at times, been crippling for me. It I couldn't get it right the first time, there was no point (in my mind) to pursue it any further. I have a friend whose perfectionism keeps her from making any decisions at all, for fear it will be the wrong one. Of course, making no decision is a decision in itself! Thank you for the thoughtful post - I should read it over and over!

[clarice]

I saw the name of this post and had to come read it. I have to say this is how I have schooled my girls. It is in the failures you find yourself and your gifts. Embrace it. I am always saying it is the process, not the product that counts!! Clarice

[Ladipo]

True, I have my fair share of broken needles lol

[Iris]

Failures are part of life, but I also learned it can take some time to accept them and turn them into something good. I always do try to move on after something went wrong though, as regret or analyzing the fault too much can take a lot of energy and is mostly a waste of time, but that does not always work. Luckily I have someone who then shows me how to see something in perspective. Relativity is a cure for a lot of problems. And if not: hey, we are only human, right?

[Heather]

oh kristie,
im so sorry. my heart breaks reading your comment. Its a situation that puts you in a place of unsurmountable pressure. It is my hope for you that you can give yourself grace, especially this time of year. Its the reason for the season! :) hugs to you, dear!

[Heather]

Clarice,
Thanks for stopping by today! Good for you! What a wonderful role model and teacher your children have in you!! I want to live with your advice, in fact I think Im going to make a sign with your words and hang it on my fridge:
"It is the process, not the product that counts!!"

[Heather]

Thanks for this wisdom Iris. You are so right. It helps when we have friends to help us through the hard times. They also give us perspective on life when we can't see the good thru the bad.Thanks for sharing your insight! :)

[Elizabeth]

really beautiful post! this topic is near and dear to me and certainly a growing edge. i've been thinking about making my slogan for 2011 be "fail fast" just to give my courage muscle some exercise and to get in the game more without so much expectation. i knew a guy in college who went on a quest to be rejected by 100 women. his mission took a bit of the edge off asking for a date, and i don't think he even made it to 2 rejections, because he fell in love and married a girl that surprised him with an initial "yes"

[Daniella@ThisCouldBeMeToday]

Wow this is really powerful and thought provoking! It is good to look back on your failures and see how they drove you to a better path. Thank you for your honesty!