Collecting Thoughts, Holding on to Dreams

Have you ever had a light bulb moment where you realize something cognitively that you knew deep down all along? Well, here I am approaching my mid-thirties and coming to terms with who I am. I don't know if you can relate but  I feel like much of my life I have spent trying to be a chameleon. Always wanting to be someone else in order to blend in or please others.  The color of my skin would change depending on who I was with. If there were accolades or awards for "people pleasing" I am sure I would have a gold star or two or even a golden statue by now. Its been my life's mission and I've certainly succeeded but to no real avail. Why do I feel sadness when I look at my empty desk or think about untouched projects that I put on the bottom of my list. (actually I think they fell off the edge of my list into some great abyss). It creates an ache in my soul. An ache to honor my creativity. 

One thing I have realized is that I am not really a crafter or a maker. I'm not someone who can crank out merchandise or sew 20 pillows in a day. I like to dabble. And dabbling doesn't always make for a great business strategy or even a marketable product. This is where I get hung up. Between my great ideas and my practical (must turn this into a business) mentality. Why can't I just let myself play? 

These are some thoughts that I have been collecting over the weekend. I thought I would share with you because I don't know that I have the answers. I'm still scratching my head. 

So as a friend, here I am, asking how you give your creative self the time it needs. How do you create without putting pressure on yourself? How do you nurture that delicate seed? 

 

images: collected from the gathering spriggs flickr group: cassia beck and daily suze

Comments

[Cristy]

Wow. I am completely in the same predicament. I LOVE ideas and colors and shapes and textures and constantly "dabble" like you said. When I do a project, I'm single-minded and tense until I complete it, then I look back and wonder why I didn't get more joy out of the experience. Argh. So frustrating. This line totally hit me as exactly what I struggle with:

"Why can't I just let myself play?"

Maybe we can figure it out over time. For me, it's practice; practice "playing" a little at a time and not expecting some kind of end-result or product or set of products. It's tough, man! Good luck to you!

p.s. I LOVE that first picture. The mix of color and shine is just divine. :)

[Mary Ann]

Isn't it strange. When I was much younger I always made stuff with the mentality that it had to be marketable...that I could sell it. I put lots of pressure on myself juggling my 9 to 5 work self and my creative spare time self but I was very productive if that makes sense. Now in retirement when I have all the time I want to create I find I just can't get my act together. Maybe because I don't have the pressure anymore....silly isn't it? So, dabbling sounds like a very good idea to me...you never know what might come of it. Sorry that probably isn't much help but at least you know there are others out there with similar issues:)

[Brigitte]

hm...you know I come at this from a different perspective, because I've only just started exploring new sides of my creativity. So I'm very much in an experimental place...seeing what I enjoy.

I know there's a lot of advice out there about focusing. I may have even said that to you, at one point. :-) But I'm reforming that opinion. I'm starting to believe that we can be the thread that holds together the body of our work. I think that's why a a mission statement or artist's statement or even a simple tagline are so essential -- they remind us what we stand for. As long as you are true to yourself, your work with have a common thread.

Of course, the trick is that staying true to yourself is easier said than done...And even knowing ourselves is incredibly difficult.

[Heather]

Brigitte,
well said. thank you for your continued support and encouragement over the last few months. your presence is helping me make better goals, stay on track and be true to myself.
i really like this article this morning too. im wondering if part of my problem is organization too. (or lack thereof)
http://www.scoutiegirl.com/2011/01/discovering-your-true-goals.html

[Heather]

Mary Ann,
Thanks for this reminder! I think I need to let myself dabble and enjoy it with the hope of gleaning from it. One of my professors from art school used to tell me to go get in my studio and just start moving things around, play with materials and that my intuition would guide the work. I had forgotten about that until I read your words. Thank you.
You know, I've had more free time on my hands due to slow work and I wonder if that has been my culprit too? Here's to starting to let ourselves dabble with joy!
Thanks again

[Heather]

Christy,
Thanks for sharing your story with me here. Im glad these thoughts resonated with you. Isn't it strange how much a struggle facing our passions can be... an equal mix of joy and fear.
Maybe we can find our way together. I do think talking about it breaks down some of those barriers. I know I am getting excited to get home and dabble this evening after speaking these fears instead of holding them inside.
All the bests to you. May we both begin to find Joy in the process!

[Maja]

Dear Heather,

I so know what you're talking about! I've done a lot of thinking myself recently about that/my problem, specifically the fact that I haven't been able to find the right job until now. I've ever so often thought that being self-employed would be the key to my success, but I didn't dare taking the step due to not having the funds.

I've started blogging now and I'm planning to add a shop to the blog, slowly but surely. And maybe sometime it'll lead to my own small business.

The reason why I didn't allow myself to 'dabble' is my big wish to make everything perfect. But I have to learn now that nobody's perfect. And, if I don't dare doing things and maybe fail sometimes, too, I won't get nothing accomplished.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Maja

[Ginny]

Dear Heather,

Thank you for allowing us the priviledge of bearing your burden. Thank you for being vulnerable enough to let us peek inside your fears. I have no answers to offer you, only my most sincere commiseration. I have kept my creative self chained in a dark closet for approximately 33 years, and am only now allowing her the freedom to barely to peek out into the light. It is scary and delightful all at the same time.

Love,
Ginny

[Suze]

Dear Heather,
What a great read, I think this post pins down something very important although I don't have answers either. My case: Just recently I've made a bold decision and I finally quitted my job in management and for a few months I'm not going to look for another job. Well, I thought I'd have time not only for family, friends, home and all the everyday errands, but also for unlimited creative projects and creative adventures, after all it's 10+ hours a day that suddenly are "free"! Well, although I'm very happy at the moment, I feel I don't have time to do all I would like to do everyday, which is absurd and it made me realize that when we say "I don't have the time" for this or that little or big project it's just an alibi and not the real problem. So what's the point? I think it's more a state of mind that allows me to accomplish something creative I can be happy and excited with. It can be difficult to get there but when it happens it's so rewarding...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I've also read the interesting and inspiring comments from others.
Ah, thanks also for choosing my photo to illustrate this post! :)

Cheers,
Suze

[Traveling Mama]

Heather, it's like you have been a fly on the wall of my house! I have been discussing this at length with my husband because lately I have been feeling very lost and unsure of where I am going... and with three kids and full time language study some days I feel too stressed to sit and relax. Plus the problem with making your hobby your work is that you no longer have that place to escape to!

I have decided recently to not post every project I make. Some projects are "all mine." It gives me time to sit and do whatever I feel like without having to churn it into a business or even make a blog post.

I don't want to blab for hours here, but I met a man today who we will feature for our Shop 52 project. He was sharing the happiness he feels when he is making things and his eyes were filled with so much joy that I was completely overwhelmed by the vulnerability of the moment. He told me that the business side of things is a necessity, but at the same time meeting people who enjoyed his work encouraged him tremendously in his work. It was really touching and it reminded me to keep my work honest and rekindle that pleasure that got me started in the first place.

[jena]

Yeah, I've been thinking along the same lines lately! I miss the way I thought about creating when I was a kid, making just to make, just because it was fun. I recently started a make/do tuesday on my blog to do just that! Make just to make, create just because- asking people to take at least 1 hour out of their week to just sit down and make something to practice, to play, to keep or give away, but not think or worry about selling! I'd love for you to join in if you'd like, it's perfect for dabblers :)

[Eco Chic Housewares]

I like your ideas and colors,shapes and textures ..Pictures are very effective ,I look back and wonder...Such a Fabelous Post!!!www.vivamagonline.com Iam very much Excited to c ur blog...Great work...